I think I can smell my own vagina right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
