Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
