There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
