Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
