and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
