Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
