Me. At least after what I've been through.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
