I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
4 words: hood of his car
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
