i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
