All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
