my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize