I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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