you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
