u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
