i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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