yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
