At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
