Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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