I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
