What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize