Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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