Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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