if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
