I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
