Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
