Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
