my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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