So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
