this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
