I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
