My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
