our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
