How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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