Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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