I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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