I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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