I think I died a long time ago.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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