is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
