I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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