TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
