I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
