Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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