Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
