we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
