You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
