He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
