guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
