I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
