Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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