thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize