i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
