if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
