So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
