When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
