We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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