So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
