this beer tastes like vomit already
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
