Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
