i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
