She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
