adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
