the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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