Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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