you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
