Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
