How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
