hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
