if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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