I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
