I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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